Жажда смысла. Практики логотерапии по Виктору Франклу - Галина Лифшиц

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Irina L., 29 years old, mother of the two-week old baby, addressed with the following problem. She did not want to mark father of the child in the birth certificate. She never got married on him. He made proposals and firstly she liked him, but after she got pregnant, Irina started to feel disgust at him, noticing more and more disadvantages in the father of the about-to-be baby. She says that the father does not earn enough money, so he cannot give anything to her and the baby. Irina, herself, was raised by the mother alone, so she says that her mother raised her perfectly and gave her good education. So – she will raise her son by herself. Besides, she did not want anybody else to influence her son. She did not want to share her son with anybody else. Why should she ask an alien man permission if she decides to go travelling? (Alien man is the father of the baby). She came for help because she wanted to calm down because she has fierce deep in her heart. When we started to look through details of the conflict, we did not find any single fact against the father of the child (he actually tried to help, took her to doctor, gave money regularly (about half of his own salary) never humiliated her, neither with word, nor with deeds). But she could not stop her anger towards him. And did not understand what is father needed for. Since she had no experience of the fatherhood herself, so every male for her is useless. All her prior relations with men ended by separation and every time she initiated it. Though she always had something to blame every prior partner.

Irina listened to the myth of Medea not understanding why did we start talking about the Ancient Greece.

Me: How do you think, what is this story about?

Irina: It is about betrayal.

Me: And who betrayed whom?

Irina: Husband betrayed Medea. He should have helped her more. (Irina is not paying attention to the fact that in first place Medea has betrayed her own father. This part of the plot is closed for her).

Me: So, Medea did everything correct and then became an innocent victim? Am I right?

Irina: Well… yes. She did everything for her husband. Helped him to get the fleece. Gave birth to children. Did not cheat on him.

Me: Nice and decent lady, deserving sympathy.

Irina: Yes.

Me: And she never harmed anyone, never let anyone down…

Irina: No… but – later, of course… But he’s made her do that…

We have to return to the beginning of the story to see what wrong did Medea to her own father.

Me: So, it appears that Medea could betray and Jason was not supposed to?

Irina: But the Jason was her husband. He cheated… She gave birth to children and before that helped to get the fleece… and he’s betrayed her.

Me: What if he just took her example? Saw how easily she betrayed her father and decided that nothing bad will happen to her. That betrayal is all right for these people.

Irina starts thinking. She is struck with the brand new discovery. Rightness of the women always was on first place for her.

Me: and how did you like Medea’s retaliation to Jason’s betrayal?

Irina: Well, this is a real nightmare. Why did she kill her children? All right with king’s daughter, then Jason himself. And then she could run away with children!

Me: So, somebody had to be killed anyway? Somebody, just not the children?

Irina: But he was humiliating her! Cheated on her! But in the end everything went terrible. No, nobody should’ve been killed

Me: So, why did she kill children? Children, but not the Jason?

Irina: She wanted the most terrible way of revenge. For him to live and suffer.

Me: Do you remember for what the Jason begged in the end? When the children were dead already?

Irina: Yes. He begged to leave him the bodies to bury them and then cry on theig graves.

Me: And Medea?…

Irina: It’s so terrible! She did not give him the bodies.

Me: But she had her 100 % revenge! And left him alive to…

Irina:… live live and… remember and suffer.

Me: Did it look like a smart move?

Irina: Well, I would not kill children. I would just leave him and that’s it. And leave him alone…

Me: How do you think, does this story has anything to do to you?

Irina: I am not going to kill anybody! And I was not betrayed by the way.

I offered Irina to think over the metaphoric sense of the episode with children slaughter. Murder is not just taking somebody’s life. In metaphoric sense – killing is leaving man without sense of life, leave the man without faith to people, to love.

Me: let us try to imagine everything as metaphor. Mother leaves with children. They will never see their father again. And the father will never see his children. So – she kills father for children, and children for father. Living with only one parent leaves child without something very important. For the rest of the life person is deprived. Because child needs both mother’s and father’s forces. And who is mother to become the judge and charge with death penalty? Does she have right to do that?

So goes the conversation that extracts the sense out of this plot. Figuratively the entire process of the dialogue can be imagined as separation of cabbage leaves out of the head. One by one, every one is different, closer and closer to the middle. Attention concentrates on the leave (plot’s branch) that is needed in the context of the given situation.

During the next session Irina is supposed to live through the plot of Medea herself. Here she is – daughter of the king, sorcerer. She sees Jason. Love on the first sight. She, guided by the power of love has to help Jason to gain the fleece and escape with it. Irina turns into the process of imagination. She completely submerges into the plot, sits with her eyes closed. When the story comes to the love on the first sight smile appears on her face. But when it comes on helping the Jason by betraying own father she opens her eyes and refuses to do that! She motivates that she, of course, is in love, but her father is more important for her. And who knows how long this love is going to last. And why she should escape her native land where she is in power. She refuses to submerge into this plot, knowing that she will be betrayed after her own betrayal. So, the entire sense of her love to Jason will be betrayed.

I ask: Does it mean that the plot of “Medea” contains two guilty persons? Two traitors?

Irina: Yes!

Me: Are mothers who forbid their children to contact their fathers completely open and honest to their children? Can you judge without hearing the other side?

My purpose was to induce Irina not to ban the father of her child in his fatherhood. But, as the result, she suddenly showed her wish to find her own father and talk to him. She wanted to understand the person who was described to her as a traitor by her own mother. As a man, they were better off.